TRYING TO BE AN EX-NICOTINE ADDICT


Cigarette Butt

It is 5am and I am going through some serious nicotine withdrawal.
I am going out of my mind. I have sporadic communication between all the layers of my brain, my nerves feel overloaded and can short-circuit anytime. I have running thoughts and I am unable to focus on one thing only. My limbs coördination switch, with intermittency, from sluggish slow to robotic high-speed.

Yesterday, I smoked the last two cigarettes and during the day I bummed three, four at the most.
Believe me! That’s a heroic act for me. I am a smoker, the real Mc Coy. My relationship with cigarettes is the same as a geek with a computer. 

Now, I am trying to go semi-cold turkey.  I am like a bone chewing dog looking for a bone.  Stay away and leave me alone.  I have a mission.
All of you are useless to me unless you cure my addiction in a nice and painless fashion.  Right now I am hurting so, again, stay away and as far as you can from me. 
I do not need crystal smiles with the “I am happy for you” and “be strong, I must be difficult”.
You understand crap.  It’s me going cold turkey, noooot YOU!

I hate all non-smokers, especially the one giving me advice.  What have these goody two shoes done for smokers?  Nothing!  All they do is complain, complain, whine and whine about our bad habits.

Yes, it’s a bad legal habit, just like drinking and I am over 18.  Well, I am much older than 18 so leave me alone. Creep!

Non-smokers are the backbone of the economy; we pay more taxes, we give jobs to the tobacco farmers and the cigarettes factories, on advertising a cowboy is not a cowboy without a Marlboro.  Smokers give patients to doctors.

Which devotions have non smokers….zilch!

They are cowards, big mouth pain in the ass cowards. They believe in UFOs while I dream of riding bare back on a bronco

I remember when I smoked my first cigarettes, I got sick but it was fun.  Fun because in these days, society told me that it was cool and fun to do.  It was cool for a very long time and now I am old-fashion, I am an outcast. Thank you, society.

I tolerate ex-smokers, they understand what I go through but for the ones who never smoke in their lives, I stretch my arm, fingers wide apart and let them talk to my hand.

Non-smokers do not have any imagination.  They read pamphlets while I read books. They watch sitcoms while I go to movies. They read motivational book and when they hit the first page my brain is already in third gear. They drink mineral water and eat raw vegetables from gardens, while I sip wine and order food from “a la carte” menu in restaurants.  Non-smokers recite poems which I write.

I got up at 5 am and must pick my friend at 10am.  I am late.  Can’t help it, with lack of nicotine 5 hours is not enough to get ready.
Nothing is easy when you going cold turkey and time moves at odd speed.

I know where I can get cigarette butts. I don’t want them, they are old, they are embedded in the ground and I am not sure if the cats pissed on them. I smoke some of these butts a long time ago and they were horrific.
Don’t laugh, I am a smoker transiting into the ex-smoker zone but I have dignity.

Only ex-nicotine addicts know what I am going through.  Not you!

Patrick-Bernard

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