Monthly Archives: November 2010

ODINGA AND THE BARE FAGS – SORRY, FACTS


Raila Amollo Odinga, the vice president of Kenya said, because the population census shows an equal split between men and women, that all people caught in homosexual activities should be arrested.

I have a hard time to understand his logic considering that Odinga is from the polygamist Luo tribe.  Consequently, Luo need more women than men to satisfy this cultural tidbit.

I know a rich Luo man who married two sisters, has a full-time girl friend and two or three part-time squeeze on the side. Consequently, I assume that a proper ratio for this tribe should be at least 5 women per man. Actually, the Luos are not the only polygamist tribe in Kenya.

However, since in Kenya tourism is a big industry and ex-rainbow party man Odinga is no longer interested in the pink Pound and the pink Dollar, he can rectify the insanity which other tourists may have to suffer: 

  • Lighting up a fag (cigarette) outside or in a private cars can get you a maximum 3 years stay in jail or a US $46,000 fine. That’s in a country where the average person makes less than $2.50 per day.
  • Relaxing with an alcoholic drink by the pool bar while your children  play around can attract a fine of US $2,000.
  • You need a permit to make noise in a private house for New Year.
  • Wildlife safaris are dangerous due to bloody infighting with poachers and game wardens. You have to dodge rogue elephants and bullets.
  • The flamingos are no longer pink because the lakes are polluted and they have been marginalized by Odinga who thinks of them as sissies.
  • You sneeze without a handkerchief and your fine is 3 months behind bars or $30.
  • It is illegal to swear or make rude public gesture in Kenya.  You can try when you have been conned but then the police will probably badly bruise you.

I am sure that some pro-active , right-minded gay organizations can post the information on all travel brochures to Kenya, Tourist Bureau and even Kenya Airways.

By the way, can someone tell me if it is legal to have a drink, like a pink rosé, in Kenya Airways while they have children on board?

 Patrick-Bernard

GRANNY OBAMA GOOFS AGAIN


President Barack Hussein Obama is loaded with problems in America and his paternal grandmother, Granny the 3rd, is doing her best to add fuel to the fire

Granny; aka Sarah Obama, Sarah Ogwell, Sarah Hussein Obama, Sarah Anyango Obama and Sarah Omar Obama is president Barack Hussein Obama third grandmother.

“Can the real third paternal grand-mother stand up?”
“Look! At think that’s the one.”

She is a grandmother with no DNA but she acquired the pedigree by being number three in the marriage line with Obama’s paternal grandfather.  Yes, Obama’s father is from the polygamist Luo tribe where a traditional family has more wives than husbands.

Anyway, as a devout Muslim she was invited by Saudi Arabia, for the Hajj Pilgrimage in Mecca, together with five of her family members and now informs the world that Obama should convert to Islam.

Granny Obama is a Muslim and president Obama is “who the heck knows” according to American polls.  The unwritten rule in American politic is that you can be whatever you want but being a Muslim is un-American.

A true American according to the old rules is a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant (WASP) and Obama is a Black African-American who-the-heck-knows (BAA?)
Granny goofed the first time by saying that she was present at the hospital during his birth in Kenya.
Now, Granny makes matter worse by wanting him to be a Black African-American Muslim… BAAM!

Granny should learn how to keep her opinions and leave her “grandson” alone and enjoy all the nepotistic amenities given to her by the Kenyan government and elites for being Granny III.
Except for the misappropriation of $120,000 from the usual local kleptomaniac for a tourist center celebrating the birth place of Obama’s absent father; she was gifted with:

  • An honorary Doctor of Letters by the Great Lakes University of Kisumu. Do not ask me which letters she doctored.  All, I know is that she is fluent in Luo and she does need a translator for English. However, since Kenyan like acronyms on business cards she can add on hers “PHD from Great LUK.”
  • She has improved roads, boreholes and police security in her homestead while the rest have dirt path, no water and no security.
  • She is a goodwill ambassador for the eradication of tsetse fly and trypanosomiasis from Africa. I don’t know the word for trypanosomiasis in Luo.
  • She probably obtained a visa to take part at Obama’s inauguration in the USA without waiting one month for an appointment at the American Embassy like other Kenyans.

Obama has a handful running America while harassed by the Republicans, tea party movement, Sarah Palin and being hurt playing basketball.

Granny III keep out of American politic if you want your grandson to go for a second term and keep the good road going to your homestead.

Patrick-Bernard

PROFILING


I like America but Americans are a weird lot; they dissect for days every lines of political speeches, they cult personalities, cheers giant men playing basketball and watch television as a hobby.

Also, they are lily-livered and wimpish, everything scares them; a strong wind is a hurricane, smokers smoke outside their houses to protect smoke alarms and athletes wear padding and helmets to play a rugby called football.

A loud body-boom in a public place and alarms go off, sniffer dogs search trails, helicopters, snipers position on roof tops and you become 6 o’clock news.

A week pass and anti body-boom food is for sale, new regulations in place and books are published on body-boom preventions.

Then they issue profiling on body-boomers; big stomach, eating ethnic food, milk shake, spice and bean lover. They criminalize a mass for the actions of a few.

I am not Arab or Muslim but I know what security thinks, seeing me at airports or in public places.  Yes, profiling teaches people that if you not a WASP then you are a terrorist. My profile is criminal.

Wow! Check it out an Ayrab.  First of all it is Arab with an A like in apple.  Arabs come in many shapes, colors and some sport the Aryan looks.

There are no Arabs in Eye’ran or Eye’rak. But some do live in two places pronounced E’ran and E’rak. Ok, see the map, here… that’s Iran and Iraq.

While at it, Paris is pronounced Paree. Yes! French language, like English, can be awkward but only one Paris exists in France, not more, so forget about the S.
In Paris, Texas, they don’t speak French.

Not all Arabs are Muslims. Arab pertains to ethnicity and Muslim to religion.

Not all Muslims are terrorists. If it was the case, the world would be in trouble considering it is the second religion in the world with over 1.57 billion believers.

I know, someone will tell me that all terrorist are Muslims.
Guess what! What is so Arab or Muslim in the terrorism of Ireland with the Real IRA, in France and Spain with ETA, Mexico and Columbia with the drug lords?

The USA is not among the 10 countries pelted with the most terrorist attacks.
You have more chance of a terrorist attack in Spain, Greece, France and UK than on the North American continent.

In France and UK they had terrorist attacks in the underground trains. They don’t body scan, pad down or profile every person going in or shut down the transit system when someone forgets a bag of groceries on their way home.

Why all these? Because profiling is Doodle-Dee-Dum, racist, bias and makes ME feel like a criminal because of the way I look.

Ease up, the world is not colored America. 

Patrick-Bernard

IS IT THE WAY OF THE WHITE FOLKS?


After 3 weeks in the US, I still acquaint with their politic. Not hard to understand.  The prominent parties are the Democrat and the Republican.

The Democratic Party favors the mass and the underdog. The Republican Party believes that only the strongest should survive.

Then politicians belonging to any party can lean left or right. Left emphasizes your mother’s ideas (liberal) of what a family should be. The Right (conservative) your father’s ideas on what you should do once you leave the family.

Also, they have caucuses. Like minded people forming group representing their common interest. You have Black caucus, Hispanic caucus and others which are not only based on races but ideas, issues or principles.

Both parties had triumphs and agonies. The Democratic most recent triumph is electing a Black man as president and the Republican getting a massive gain in the mid-term election.

In America partisans are another phenomenon. Partisans are self-righteous obnoxious non-thinkers believing their party can do no wrong. Truth is distorted and lies believed without compromise.

Partisans have their own propaganda; MSNBC news for the Democrats and Fox news for Republicans.

Believe me, both TV channels are an overload of political junk food of misinformation to the delight of partisans.

Republicans are very strong in partisan politic. They listen to show hosted by Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Lee Beck and Sarah Palin.

These motor mouths are obnoxious since America has a Black president.  The innuendos based on race are rife, borderline indecent, wicked subtle connotations that only white are Americans with the supreme know how to govern.

Rush Limbaugh last antics is a graffiti of Obama on Mount Rushmore, Glenn Beck believes the president does not like white people and Sarah Palin on Obama during her vice presidential campaign; “This is not a man who sees America like you and I see America”.

Sarah Palin’s family is a mix lot of homophobic and untalented daughters pushed to the limelight due to their mother’s participation in politic and the famous Tea Party movement.

Hold on! Is the tea party racist? No it’s not if you are white, Christian and did not go to government schools.  They have nice ways to show discontent to opponents by spitting on them and heckling them nigger or faggot. Isn’t somehow reminiscent of the KKK era?

Sarah Palin said she has a chance to beat Obama for the presidential election in 2012. Can you believe a woman who spells repudiate “refudiate”, does not remembers the newspaper she reads (probably none), her foreign policy experience is seeing Russian from Alaska, use ghost writers for her books and supports abstinence-before-marriage. Her teenage daughter Bristol got pregnant at 16 and is still single.

“Yes, there will be a new sheriff in town” and that’s what the new congress member and Tea Party leader Michele Bachmann said.

If the sheriff gets her way together with the conservative Republicans and their single-minded partisans … think about it … re-read your Jim Crow laws and get along with the program.

Is it the way of the white folks?

Patrick-Bernard

AIRPORT SECURITY


From the photograher, Dean Shaddock: This was ...

Image via Wikipedia

The line is at least 30 people long; Business travelers, few screaming children, a pregnant woman, a catholic priest in full garb accompanied by two nuns, an oversized boobed bombshell, a war veteran in uniform, an old woman in a wheel chair followed by a hell’s angels type bearded, sunglass, tattooed and pierced man.

Everyone is in line at the airport security check.  In apprehension some reach for trays and drop belts and jewelry with high beep content.
Hand luggage, belts, shoes, laptops removed from their bags are rolling on a conveyor belts toward an x-ray machine.

Passengers, orderly, each walk through a metal detector.
A beep and red light go off when the uniform man passes through.  Heads with stretched necks are checking out what is going.

 “No worries that’s my prosthetic leg” he lifts the right pants leg and show it to the security officer.
With a nod toward a body scanner the officer tell him to go ahead.
“Nop!  Pat me up.”
“Would you like a private pat down?”
“I have not much left, go on and do your job.”
Awkwardly, the officer proceeds and everyone looks at him when he reaches the groin area.
The officer look at the man’s face and “just like my leg, they gone too. Happy?”

The religious people decide to go through the body scanner. The priest is sweating
“Are you ok father?”
“No, I have a confession to make. I have a ring.” 
“No problem, you can live it on.”
“You don’t understand, it is not on my finger.”
“Oh, oh I got it, piercing. My nipples are pierced too. No worries proceed.”
The nuns are humble and each passes quietly through the look-at-me-naked scanner. They mumble, no privacy anymore, nothing is left sacred.

A mom has a problem with her kid. In loud voice “That’s only a sixth month old baby and you want to look at his diapers.”
“Ma’am, these are Transportation Security Administration guidelines for safety against terrorism.”
“Have you ever seen a six month terrorist?”
“Ma’am, I must check your child’s diapers for security reasons.”
“No!”
“Please, step aside until a supervisor come.s”
“I don’t care; you are not going inside my kid diapers. That’s perversion.”

The business man with a smile tells security that he wants a “grop.”
“Sir, it’s a pat DOWN!”
“Relax, I remember you from last week. You good and am yours.”
“Sir I take my job seriously and I will not take any innuendos. Please, quiet and spread your legs.”
“Ahh!”
“I say calm down SIR!”
“You pinched me in purpose.”
“I didn’t, I have gloves on.”
“You have nails.”

The endowed woman goes for a virtual strip search. The person behind the screens called the supervisor.
The supervisor stress and overwhelm can’t help to say loudly.
“Come on you never heard of implants.”
Everyone laughs in the line.
“I have a right to privacy. I want to file a complaint; I need to file a complaint.”
She follows the supervisor shaking his head.

The skinny old woman in a wheel chair wants a pad down. She smiles at the female officer while behind rolled down to her position.
“I can stand up you know.”
The officer is embarrassed to pad down someone her mother’s age.
“Be careful with my chest, I am not young anymore and do it slowly.”
 “Are you sure you don’t want a body scan.”
“No, darling, it has been such a long time and enjoy flying now. Thanks to Homeland Security.”

The Hell’s Angel man is fed up, the line is slow and he can’t take it.
“Come on faster!”
“Patience sir, your turn will come.”
“We all are taking the same plane.  The flight is only one hour but it takes 3 hours for us to board. That’s lunacy.”
“That’s for your security sir; we are following homeland security rules. Go ahead now.”
The giant step in the boot and the officer tells him. I am sorry but we have to do a private search.
“Listen man! What you see are my rings, just like the priest I have a cock ring and my belly button and nipples are pierced.  I heard what the priest said!…I heard you too!”

In the background a couple and their teenage daughter are rushing to the line. They giggle and the security officer looks and recognizes his family.  His mother and sister go thought the scanner and the guy behind the screen gets his colleague’s attention.
 “That’s your sister, right?  Wow… she looks good. Single?… and your mom… your dad is lucky.”
He looks at his colleague “keep cool and do your job and I DON”T appreciate this type of comments.”
“My job is to look and believe me I have looked.”
He turns back for the next passenger and faces his father. “Sorry son, am not going through this machine. Go ahead and pat me down”.
‘Daaaad.”
“Son, easy on the family jewels.”

YES! I AM UPSET AT THE LACK OF PRIVACY. Patrick-Bernard

PALIN’S HAM-HOCK BRISTOL DAUGHTER


The Tea Party has invaded “Dancing with the stars”.  Can you believe, Brandy the singer, a star who stretches her legs to the sky lost against Bristol Palin.

Yes, Bristol one of Sarah Palin’s brood who collected for being a disaster, a row of lowest dancing scores from the judges, won. Thanks to mommy’s Tea Party internet friends

No, it is not the people choices since one can vote as many times as they want.  The conservative tea-pot heads spend their time cyber-voting, ensuring that Miss Bristol pudgy Palin wins. A stress man got so irate that he shot his TV with a rifle when he heard she had been voted in the final.

I don’t know for whom the Tea Party poopers voted for. They are confused, DWTS is a show about dancing skills and has nothing to do with politic.

Sarah Palin was not in it.  No! It was her daughter the ham-hock thick legged, can’t move an inch, no rhythm and Alaska cold ice Bristol Palin.

The tea party has politicized DWTS and that’s the type of brew the Tea Party wants to gobble down the throat of the mass?

Also, I blame DWTS.  The title of the show is Dance with the STARS.

When ham-hock Bristol did acquired the title of star?

She only finished high school and her notoriety is based on having a child at seventeen.

Two horny Alaskan teenagers get a kids and that’s stardom. In Middle America it is welfare line.

Sarah Palin can’t control her brood and she wants to run for presidency in 2012.

The Tea Party is screwing up everything.  They have done it with a simple matter like DWTS and next in line are the democrats, the American presidency and the world for that matter.

I don’t want to live in a Palin’s world. She does not know geography, her history is in books no one wrote, she is void of intellectual curiosity, she can’t spell and can’t stop talking with a high pitch voice. She has all the tools to irritate and even bears run away from her.

Forget about DWTS, I want to see real dance, not people cheating you they can dance.  The show is Tea Party rigged.

Brandy won. So, hey! I don’t need to see the rest dancing with ham-hock Bristol.

Patrick-Bernard

SMS lernN cNtR


No "SMS language" symbol

It is not OK

“how u doing it been a long time that we talked ahhhhhhh………how can i start i might go see u 1 of these days be4 my bday i think but ima so go cant wait my friend is going to dive me ova there hope its soon well hope to see u soon” 

No, this is not a sms but an e-mail which I received.  Yes, some people write in sms language.  The media in issuing the information may be wrong but the language, I assume, is somewhat correct.

Actually, sms language is eco friendly; it uses less space, is worthless to print and consequently save paper and ultimately trees;  Squrl  🙂 sms cuz sms sAv 3z.

Imagine a newspaper headline: “Gr8 nuz prez Obama R8ng goin ^”.  Isn’t better than “Great news, president Obama ratings are going up”. It is space saving and in the same time creates new brain stimulating games.

Like crosswords or Sudokus we can have sms-gAm.  Translating regular English phrases in short text messaging. It is not easy since sms language is a combination of letters, numbers and symbols;
hldmecls for hold me close
911 for emergency call
(> for a slice of pizza

It may be a great new exciting game for young sms students. Since learning does call for hunger, after play send them out 4 a buger @ Mcdo. Datz BetA thN etN @ om. I hEr dat Papa John (> w lot of chez R v gud.

Sms provides new opportunities and possibilities for business and learning; sms dictionaries, sms literature 101, sms transl8n, sms holy buk, sms skul and lernN cNtR .  That’s stuff is great! Sorry, datz stuff iz gr8!

We must standardize sms language and make it universal.

Now, I notice the received e-mail needs correction. Let me edit as it should appear sent via mobile communication;
“How u doing it bin a lng tym dat we talked ah… how cn I stRt i mite go c u 1 of tEz dAz b4 my bday i tink but ima so go cnt w8t my frNd iz goin 2 dive me ova ther hOp its s%n wEl hOp 2 cU s%n.”

Notice, I have not corrected the grammatical errors. Sms language is without grammar, it emphasizes the intellectual purity of the author’s thought process.   The thought process is pure due to removal of cohesive learning polluting the brain with knowledge.

No! It is not a joke, the e-mail is real. I am scare to meet that person.  I feel intellectually challenged.

How cn I teL him dat sms lngwij iz not 4 email. We mA hav Nuttin 2 sA but L%k @ Ech othR & drink Cofy.

Patrick-Bernard