The line is at least 30 people long; Business travelers, few screaming children, a pregnant woman, a catholic priest in full garb accompanied by two nuns, an oversized boobed bombshell, a war veteran in uniform, an old woman in a wheel chair followed by a hell’s angels type bearded, sunglass, tattooed and pierced man.
Everyone is in line at the airport security check. In apprehension some reach for trays and drop belts and jewelry with high beep content.
Hand luggage, belts, shoes, laptops removed from their bags are rolling on a conveyor belts toward an x-ray machine.
Passengers, orderly, each walk through a metal detector.
A beep and red light go off when the uniform man passes through. Heads with stretched necks are checking out what is going.
“No worries that’s my prosthetic leg” he lifts the right pants leg and show it to the security officer.
With a nod toward a body scanner the officer tell him to go ahead.
“Nop! Pat me up.”
“Would you like a private pat down?”
“I have not much left, go on and do your job.”
Awkwardly, the officer proceeds and everyone looks at him when he reaches the groin area.
The officer look at the man’s face and “just like my leg, they gone too. Happy?”
The religious people decide to go through the body scanner. The priest is sweating
“Are you ok father?”
“No, I have a confession to make. I have a ring.”
“No problem, you can live it on.”
“You don’t understand, it is not on my finger.”
“Oh, oh I got it, piercing. My nipples are pierced too. No worries proceed.”
The nuns are humble and each passes quietly through the look-at-me-naked scanner. They mumble, no privacy anymore, nothing is left sacred.
A mom has a problem with her kid. In loud voice “That’s only a sixth month old baby and you want to look at his diapers.”
“Ma’am, these are Transportation Security Administration guidelines for safety against terrorism.”
“Have you ever seen a six month terrorist?”
“Ma’am, I must check your child’s diapers for security reasons.”
“Please, step aside until a supervisor come.s”
“I don’t care; you are not going inside my kid diapers. That’s perversion.”
The business man with a smile tells security that he wants a “grop.”
“Sir, it’s a pat DOWN!”
“Relax, I remember you from last week. You good and am yours.”
“Sir I take my job seriously and I will not take any innuendos. Please, quiet and spread your legs.”
“I say calm down SIR!”
“You pinched me in purpose.”
“I didn’t, I have gloves on.”
“You have nails.”
The endowed woman goes for a virtual strip search. The person behind the screens called the supervisor.
The supervisor stress and overwhelm can’t help to say loudly.
“Come on you never heard of implants.”
Everyone laughs in the line.
“I have a right to privacy. I want to file a complaint; I need to file a complaint.”
She follows the supervisor shaking his head.
The skinny old woman in a wheel chair wants a pad down. She smiles at the female officer while behind rolled down to her position.
“I can stand up you know.”
The officer is embarrassed to pad down someone her mother’s age.
“Be careful with my chest, I am not young anymore and do it slowly.”
“Are you sure you don’t want a body scan.”
“No, darling, it has been such a long time and enjoy flying now. Thanks to Homeland Security.”
The Hell’s Angel man is fed up, the line is slow and he can’t take it.
“Come on faster!”
“Patience sir, your turn will come.”
“We all are taking the same plane. The flight is only one hour but it takes 3 hours for us to board. That’s lunacy.”
“That’s for your security sir; we are following homeland security rules. Go ahead now.”
The giant step in the boot and the officer tells him. I am sorry but we have to do a private search.
“Listen man! What you see are my rings, just like the priest I have a cock ring and my belly button and nipples are pierced. I heard what the priest said!…I heard you too!”
In the background a couple and their teenage daughter are rushing to the line. They giggle and the security officer looks and recognizes his family. His mother and sister go thought the scanner and the guy behind the screen gets his colleague’s attention.
“That’s your sister, right? Wow… she looks good. Single?… and your mom… your dad is lucky.”
He looks at his colleague “keep cool and do your job and I DON”T appreciate this type of comments.”
“My job is to look and believe me I have looked.”
He turns back for the next passenger and faces his father. “Sorry son, am not going through this machine. Go ahead and pat me down”.
“Son, easy on the family jewels.”
YES! I AM UPSET AT THE LACK OF PRIVACY. Patrick-Bernard
- Growing revolt in U.S. over airport security (thestar.com)
- New Airport Security Rules Cause Traveler Discomfort (npr.org)
- Officials defend intimate airport security methods (sfgate.com)
- Something’s Broken Between TSA and Baby Boomers (boomercafe.com)
- Napolitano May Exempt Muslims From Airport Pat-Downs (wdtprs.com)