PREDICTIONS FOR 2011


I am puzzled why some world leaders use the word usher for the coming of the New Year.  Anyway, the New Year is here and as usual all, I assume, leaders of governments have provided good words of hope and realities to come for 2011.

Also, it is quite probable that Ivory Coast, with two presidents, may have been the only country in the world with double New Year wishes from their presidents.  It deserves an entry in the Guinness book of world records.

Fireworks lit up the sky in most prosperous countries. Groups bombed Christian churches in dumb-dumb countries. State sponsored happiness, I live in such place, probably made a brisk business by fining people making noise and toasting glasses full of alcohol in public places after 11pm.
Ah! I understand, they probably meant “hush” the New Year.

I gave a try to a crystal ball to predict the future.  I lit up a candle to call the spirit and stood naked in front of it for purity, held a plastic bottle of Agua Florida Cologne in my right hand to facilitate the translation of osmosis transfer from the spiritual universe and in my left hand held the lyrics of the Auld Lang Syne and sung.

Nothing happened for five minutes. I stopped and put on two basic pieces of garments to cover the top and the mid-part of my body, closed the curtains, turned off the light and tried again and then … I saw the future for 2011.  However, I understand it is greatly influenced by the site the request is made.
Sorry, together with the spirit I stand halfway naked in Africa;

  • George Clooney will be made an honorary Dinka in Southern Sudan by having his bottom teeth removed and four tribal lines carved on his forehead.
  • Goodluck Jonathan, president of Nigeria, will loot his country’s coffers to permanently implant a Stetson hat on his head.
  • Kenya’s economy will improve by an influx of sex tourism by older white European women.
  • Mugabe’s wife will give birth to the biggest diamond in the world.  The newborn will be named WikiLeaks.
  • A Chinese will become president of Zambia.
  • Bristol, Sarah Palin’s daughter, will marry a no-longer-gay Black Muslim.
  • Obama will switch to the Republican Party to be part of the majority in his government. Also, after meeting his father’s tribe elders in Kenya, he will be advised to amend the USA constitution in order to be re-elected for a second term.
  • Scientists will grow a new breed of can’t-be-poached rhinoceros and elephants.  They will grow no tusks and horns. The medicines men great concerns will be that more Chinese men will suffer from erectile dysfunctions.
  • Bono, of U2, will change the name of his advocacy group from ONE to NONE (will get my money).
  • President Zuma, of South Africa, will marry all the single women of South Africa.  He will keep the rest as mistresses.
  • King Mswati of Swaziland gifted with fourteen wives will be arrested for stealing Viagra from an elderly man at a Wal-Mart pharmacy in Pulaski, Tennessee.   The KKK (Kikuyu, Kamba, Kalenjin organization of Kenya) will bail him out.  The original KKK in Pulaski refuses.
  • Somali will remain the same.  Corrupt!
  • Gabon will remain the same.  Absolutely Bongo!
  • Sarkozy, of France, will face financial difficulties for his 2012 presidential re-elections bid. Not one African country will give him money, under the table, to finance his re-election campaign like his predecessors.
  • Mozambique and Angola will switch to the Spanish language to ease the illicit drug trade.
  •  I have to stop here, the New Year spirit is feeding me with too many information.  Anyway, it told me the rest of the leaders on the African continent will do well.  They will and have hired public relation companies to make up stories they are not 200% but only 100% corrupt.

    The average African citizenry will work very hard, as usual, and stay in tatters for 2011.

    Patrick-Bernard

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    One response to “PREDICTIONS FOR 2011

    1. Pingback: IVORY COAST AND GABON SEEING DOUBLE | CRY ME AN ONION

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