BEIJING RHINO CHARGE


Ready to kick butt in Beijing

China likes wildlife but not in the same context as the rest of the world does.  They have a only special affinity for certain part of an animal like Rhino horns, elephant tusk, and tiger penis and bear bile.   For the swimming species they like, shark fin, turtle plastron and cute seahorses.

Most of these ingredients are to cure impotence so it is lucky that 30 years ago china instituted a one child policy.  Otherwise, all the wildlife they like and that “we” appreciate seeing alive will be extinct now.

Possibly a semen DNA of the male Chinese population may show traces of tiger penises and seahorses. Maybe, it works but researchers are yet to trace the amorous relation of any woman with a male virile as a seahorse.
If it was the case there would be a lot of Chinese mermaid floating in the seas waiting for the right precise tickle for a passionate moment of seahorse love.

The paradox is that Chinese ingest concoction of seahorse to increase virility and slurp shark fin soup for dinner. Strange, because eating large amount of shark fin soup cause sterility due to its high mercury content.
Eating shark fin soup has the same bodily effect as a mercury thermometer breaking in an anal cavity.

For the novice a thermometer is not always squeezed under an armpit or place under a tongue after you say ahhhh!  Humans are ingenious and have found another place to insert it.

Rhino horns are made of keratin, the same substance which is found in human nails and National Geographic has an interesting article on its Chinese medicine use;

“According to Bernard Read’s 1931 translation of Li Shih-chen’s 1597 materia medica Pen Ts’ ao Kang Mu, rhino horn was prescribed for nearly everything: “To cure devil possession and keep away all evil spirits and miasmas. For gelsemium poisoning. To remove hallucinations and bewitching nightmares. Continuous administration lightens the body and makes one very robust. For typhoid, headache and feverish colds. For carbuncles and boils full of pus. For intermittent fevers with delirium. To expel fear and anxiety, to calm the liver and clear the vision. It is a sedative to the viscera, a tonic, antipyretic. It dissolves phlegm. It is an antidote to the evil miasma of hill streams. For infantile convulsions and dysentery. Ashed and taken with water to treat violent vomiting, food poisoning, and overdosage of poisonous drugs. For arthritis, melancholia, loss of the voice.”

Contrary to the Western point of view Rhino horns do not enhance Chinese libido.  However, the Chinese medicine man thinks that a tiger penis provides a potent roar during love-making and is more versatile to hide while passing through customs than elephant penises.

Beside inventing acupuncture, making a Chinese tailor an instant medical expert curing anything with sawing needles, Chinese scientists are fond of anything which they cannot source from their continent even oil.

Bull Runs are famous in towns of Spain and Portugal. A group of bull is let loose behind a group of running highly testosterone challenged people clad in white outfit, red bandanas and adorable light sandals.  The highlights are the amount of people gored, killed or trampled by the bulls.  

Rhinos should be exported to China and let loose in the overcrowded streets of Beijing. A rhino charge will have three positive effects: reducing China population, increase research in buttocktomy from rhino horns damages and most of all offer a painful awareness that Rhinos and their like in Chinese medicine are endangered species not to be mess with.

Patrick-Bernard

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